Needing a little reminder

I am my own outlook calendar...

Each morning when I stroll into work and switch on my computer, I am reminded with a pleasant chiming bell of the meetings and commitments I have throughout the day. My favorite reminder of all comes at 12:45pm when my little electronic assistant reminds me that an hour refuge is just around the corner. I like to think that if personified, my outlook calendar would be a sassy little assistant who didn't bring me documents, but rather soul rocking music suggestions and my own personalized play list to get me through the day. He would be edgy but with a sense of balance for calm on hectic days and he would never bring me coffee because he would know me well enough to know that being served would make my skin crawl. I digress.

On my drive this evening, I thought about how handy calendar reminders are. How I am anal enough to remember things on my own but love the assuredness that comes with the automatic, built-it, fail safe chiming of my computer.

How much better, I thought, would it be to have an internal outlook calendar that reminded me of the things that truly matter. Sure meetings are important to the functionality of the workplace but in the grand scheme of things, I feel like software developers are missing out on a market that would have dividends for one and all alike. Maybe the reminders could come as swiftly and clearly as those few moments of clarity we all have that hit us like thunderbolts, reeling for days afterward. Or maybe we could visualize the reminders pictorially from somewhere directly behind the retina (if this be the case, I prefer mine to be of the old film variety with haziness and glitches providing character and nostalgia).

And to all the software geniuses out there, here are a list of the internal reminders you can begin working on immediately. I would like them often, daily perhaps or just when the stress and ridiculousness threshold seems to be reaching critical levels (tempo has reached critical levels, tempo has reached critical levels).

Reminder One: Productivity is not your master. If a day (or two) passes in which you allow the dishes to pile up and the laundry to go unfinished, the world will not stop turing on its axis. Productivity is relative and lady, you need to re-evaluate the meaning of this word.

Reminder Two: A day spent relaxing with friends, unexpectedly is not a road block to the rat race, rather a reprieve from the laps you've been running in attempt to catch the rabbit. Soak it in sweetheart because afternoons that turn into evenings that turn into night fall where the conversation flows as freely as the wine are, in their own right, alters to be bowed at.

Reminder Three: Intensity is exhausting. While it has its merits and rightfully placed can be a pivotal element to life, intensity burns out quickly and leaves little return on investment if thrown wildly into the world without reason.

Reminder Four: Clear the mind and the heart on a regular basis. Leave the trash at the curb and walk away confidently with an understanding that trash is trash and you're not obligated to compost anything.

Reminder Five: Trust yourself and the decisions you make. Stop questioning, apologizing, second guessing and twisting your insides over miniscule matters that mean absolutely nothing.

Reminder Six: Live. Breath deeply. Exhale fully. Click the memory stick every now and then when you feel yourself in a moment that may not define you but will certainly shape you. Let things tangle up your insides if they must. Walls down. Buildings burning. Protection lost. Sand in your sheets kind of living.

Let it all go, my friend. You're the only one still holding tight to the arbitrary demands you've placed upon your sinking shoulders.

Definitions and all that jazz...

"Choices we are given. It's no choice at all."

Finding your way back to center can sometimes be an extremely precarious situation. Realizing that what you thought was up is actually to the left and around the corner is quite possibly, the most un-nerving experience one can have. Definitions morph and flex and change until they are no longer hard lines but rather the consistency of over-cooked noodles.

Fluid definitions; a contradiction in terms. However off the wall and zany this notion may be, fluid definitions most certainly lurk around the most abrupt corners we create for ourselves. I imagine fluid definitions to take pleasure, actually, in challenging our most staunchly guarded definitions. Those definitions that we function in and hold so closely to our chests that imprints remain on our skin as we turn over to fall asleep each night. Those are the definitions that fluidity loves to embrace.

"I am. I am. I am." Oh how the corners of my mouth exhaust themselves with this phrase. I have spent years of my adult life defining myself by what I do for a "living." What the hell does that even mean really? I am queasy thinking about how much respect we give stress disguised as a dollar sign by dignifying it with the word "living." I hope there are aspects of each position that make a person happy. I hope that each day finds each working individual feeling as if they contributed. But...a "living"?

As disgusted as I am with this premise, I have embraced it and hugged it so hard that its little head is getting swollen and pinkish in hue. As the thunderbolt hit me last night and I found myself smiling my way to sleep, I kicked that notion's ass.

You want to watch the heads of many turn in circles? When someone asks you about yourself, don't include what you do to write the rent check every month. Don't mention the project at work. Don't talk about your boss or how you may be up for a promotion. Talk about YOU. Who YOU are. Watch their eyes fall from their sockets and their hands wring uncomfortably in their laps.

"Tell me about yourself."

"I am a writer."

Missing home something fierce...

"Okay now part two now clear the house. The party's over take the shouting and the people, get out. I have some business and a promise that I have to hold to. I do not care what you assume or what the people told you."

All sorts of gifts...

Unwrapping can get complicated at times...

Recently, I chatted with some other Florida "transplants" about how it can be difficult to get in the holiday spirit in a climate that remains fairly moderate and steadfast. The humidity has definitely calmed down (a gift that I hadn't thought to write about but a gift indeed) but the bone chilling cold I am accustomed to the season bringing is still no where to be found. As I sit here, with both doors open, allowing the breeze to bellow in one door and out the other, I am stuck somewhere between incredibly thankful and incredibly torn. I love this weather and am thankful for it but the holiday spirit is hard to find in the sand and sun. At least for a northern little one.

While dropping a bag of goodies at Goodwill yesterday, I decided to bring the holiday spirit to me. (Bonus: I was able to do this and stay within my goals of only buying used - thank you Goodwill!)

Gift number one:

Although this little tree packed some serious holiday cheer and I felt like I was checking things off of my to-do list like crazy (rent, library books, goodwill drop-offs), I was hungry and I was ready to be home. Add that to the fact that I am not smoking and you have a good old fashioned recipe for road rage. As I rounded the corner into my courtyard, holiday tree in hand, I saw my screen door propped open. I hurriedly opened the box and realized that another gift had arrived. And so...I pulled up my shirt sleeve...took a breath....and said a big fat THANK YOU to Florida and God for helping me out something fierce.

Gift number two:

With my new adhesive assistance, my mood improved quickly and with some short research online, I found out that a) I no longer have to take my recycling with me once a week to work and b) I don't have to pay for curbside recycling at my apartment. What's option "c"? I can simply take my recycling once a week to a drop box a few blocks from my house and done and done. I realized I had a bin tucked away in my closest and since storage is precious in a studio...the bin is now the home for my recycling...on my porch.

Gift number three:

The last gift may seem small and somewhat foolish to many. If you are anything like me or you know me well at all, you are aware that I rarely "settle" unless I feel an assurance that settling is a right and solid choice. Add the fact that music and all those greats I love are most certainly the integral part of my settling and you'll understand why this was...

Gift number four:

"Hand print of God on the small of my back..."

Obstacle Number One

Honesty is the best policy...

Not surprisingly, my friends and family have been supportive of this little change-a-roo I'm attempting with some BIG lifestyle adaptations. I pretty much feel like the luckiest little lady on earth, what with people supporting me through these little changes that some may feel have no true effect on the world in general.

Contrary to what some brilliant minds think, I am a huge believer in the fact that everyone making little changes can lead to big changes felt throughout the world. A domino effect. After all, complacency breeds complacency.

I have been so diligent about posting about the parts of my little project that are going well that I thought it only fair to post about the part that wasn't going so well. Drum roll please...the SMOKING. I am fairly certain, as I sit fluttering away on this keyboard that the fact I am having trouble quitting surprises all zero of my friends and family. Not because there is no faith in me because I am, at times, humbled by others' faith in who I am. More so because if you know me at all...you've heard the commitment....from me....about a zillion times before.

I am humbled by this problem because I know, intellectually that smoking is simply needless. That the habit itself is disgusting and that there are no positive effects. I get it. I do, I do! I suppose though, I don't expect anyone to believe that I get it because I still haven't kicked the habit. I am doing "better" but what is better when you're talking about a life threatening habit. Better just isn't good enough. And so...tonight...after years of clucking on and on about how I didn't need any help because I was strong enough to do it on my own...I got help.

Thank God for altruistic people with large endowments (Michael Scott, you would know what to say here.) I called the Florida quit line and in less than a week...I will be the proud owner of that nicotine patch system! Finally swallowed the pride and to be honest it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. So thank you, Jan, my quit coach representative who was so nice and helpful on the phone this evening. Hopefully my insistent "I can do this on my own but I'd like to "try" this out" personality didn't make you want a cigarette when we got off the phone! Hahaha.

http://floridaquitline.com/

Quick Update

After a few minutes of fussing with the directions, I conquered my fear of the sewing machine and made this beautiful curtain for my closet door! In reality, my contribution to this art was a small pocket at the top to weave the curtain rod through...and the willingness to learn something new.

Thanks again, Cathy, for the sewing machine!

"Each time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing, you continually challenge it."

The whole kit and kaboodle

As my oven cools down, I too take a break...

Bread of the week? Herb Focaccia bread and man-o-day it is tasty, if I do say so myself! This weekend has been one gift after the next and I could not be more grateful or humbled by how life just tends to work the kinks out one at a time while we take a little breather. As I sat on a friend's porch last night, all wrapped up in my long sleeved sweater but still rocking the flip flops, I realized that "home" was here. That was one of many gifts I just had to be thankful for this weekend.

The yummy bread...

The goal of learning to sew...and thus...the sewing machine...

I babbled recently about my want to learn to sew. This want turned in to somewhat of a need

this weekend when I decided I just had to turn one of my tapestries into the curtain for my closet. Ask and you shall receive...I was blabbering on about how I was going to make this curtain when my friend pipes up and says, "I have an old sewing machine that I was going to give to the goodwill this week. Do you want it?" Do I? The best thing is, she still had the instructional booklet as well so lady doesn't have to try and learn how to use a sewing machine without any guidance at all. Not only is this friend beautiful inside and out but I had to love her even more when she stood there saying things like, "And you just put this here and then the thread goes here and this is how you lock the foot into place and if you need the zipper foot, here it is," as if I had touched a sewing machine since middle school. Time to roll up those sleeves and learn something new!

The long awaited herb garden...

In my attempt to cook most of my meals at home, I started to realize the need for fresh herbs on hand. When a friend gave me some fresh basil as a parting gift last week...I knew this to be true! And low and behold, fresh herbs on sale at the store today...I will now be putting sweet basil and cilantro in all of my recipes..be warned. I am quite stoked about this week's menu actually as I am going to make a vegetable curry to use up all my left over vegetables. I will post yummy photos when I am finished with it.