Seriously?

Too good not to be from God...

Life is defined as : the condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death.

It sounds so simple, doesn't it?  Put together into a clean sentence.  One sentence defines life, according to Oxford Dictionary.  When you really sit and ponder it, when you extract just one set of the many clarifying words in this seemingly clean sentence, things get complicated and exciting all at the same time.  "Functional Activity."  What does it really mean to function in our world today?  The answer is the truly complicated part of this question.  The answer is that it takes something different and equally beautiful for each of us to "function" in this world we live in.  

In the last month, God has turned so many things in my life, so many habits, so many thoughts into different things, habits and thoughts.  It's amazing how quickly He works!  On Sunday, as I drove home from Andrea and Jason's house, I had to take some time, in the quiet, with the radio off to simply stand in aw of Him and His work in my life.  So much more to say about this in entries to come...

I finish my entry tonight having confidence in the fact that after almost 29 years of searching and scratching and trying on and taking off, I have finally stopped myself long enough to hear God's calling. I have finally stopped my own thoughts long enough for God to reveal to me what it's going to take for me to "function" in this world around me and be able to lay my head down at night knowing that I am giving Him glory.   It's a peace I haven't experienced very often in life and man is it a deafening silence.  

When Confidence Comes

When God knocks you off your feet, He's not joking around...

It's officially fall, which of course means, it's officially my favorite season!  I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday and a leaf blew into my car.  If you know me, you know that fall leaves are perhaps my favorite things in nature so of course, this little serendipitous moment made me smile.  Fall is officially here and to be honest, I feel like it brings with it a whole new season in my life, not just a new season of weather.  

Progression charts.  I remember looking at so many progression charts in school; usually full of illustrations with a few small captions underneath that allow you to learn the timeline of something while being enthralled with a photographical representation of it.  I was thinking the other day about what my life progression chart would look like after I realized what a progression of faith I've gone through in just the last year alone.  I can't imagine how beautiful and bright some of the photographs would be, how big my smile would be, how much the happiness would just radiate from the photo to the on looker!  My life has held some amazing moments thus far and I am confident God's not done yet!  

Storm clouds and violent strikes of lightening would be on my chart too, though.  Moments where I have felt completely alone or turned my face away from the God I serve.  Moments where I've willing flung myself into situations that I knew in my gut were simply not right.  Those moments would be there but how boring the colors in those photos would be compared to the happy ones!

I feel so blessed to have come the route I've come to this place where I am at now.  God has taken my heart and filled it so full.  There are not words, at times, for me to describe what I'm thinking - the compassion, the want to make the world better, the desire to do something with my life that builds His Kingdom.  I feel called and that is something I have never really been able to communicate before.  It's strange, I think I always felt a push or pull in a certain direction from God but not like this, not definable, not directly, not pronounced.  

I know now that God has been molding my heart for years to reach out to those that need Him in a bold way.  I know now that I am called to listen to these individuals, live with them, love them and truly care for them so they may see His love, His light, His amazing grace. I know now that God has called me to a faith that is not typical in our society and to be honest, that scares me in a way that I cannot describe.  The things that scares me the most is the fact that I know I am called to live in areas of this country and possibly others where I will not be comfortable at first, or maybe ever!  I am a pretty skittish person, people, but I feel called to live in urban areas and show God's love.  The same urban areas that when I drive through them, I lock the doors to my car - how crazy is that?!  I know it though.  I feel it.  I feel God ripping me out of my comfort zone, shaking me up a bit, brushing me off and setting me right into the heart of a place that needs Him.  

Sadly, one of the elements of fear I have about following God in the way I believe He is calling me to stems from fearing what others will think.  How will my family and friends react?  Will people think I'm nuts?  Am I going to look like one of those people who's missed the mark completely and fell onto a quick road to crazy town? Maybe.  But, like my friend said a few months ago, sometimes, when we're following God the closest is when we look the craziest to others.  

The beautiful thing is, I have a certain amount of God Confidence now that I've never had before.  I don't think it's an accident that God has created my heart in the way that He has where I am constantly re-evaluating how I interact with the culture around me (those of you who know me, know how true this is!  How many conversations have I had where I am talking about removing myself from our culture or TV or shopping or spending money?!).  I don't think it's an accident that God has given me the demeanor where after a few days, I can be happy where I'm placed and adjust to my environments quickly.  I don't think it's an accident that something changed in my heart this year where I no longer see people's weaknesses as labels for them but rather the unfortunate and ugly result of sin entering our world.  

Change is difficult for me because I like to be comfortable.  I feel like God laughs a little every time He reveals more to me about what He has called me to do.  He knows that He's calling me to strip my security away so that I can lean fully on Him and people, as you know, that's a really difficult thing to do!  

God Ordained Moments

Old Friends + New Questions = Clarity

I feel alive.  On fire.  Ready to begin making changes.  Ready to stop answering to anyone but God and His ultimate plan.  

As I sat and chatted with my good friend Andrea today, she asked me a question that seriously turned my thinking up a notch.  I have thought about our conversation all day and now I know why it touched me so deeply.  You know how when you're looking for something in your house or apartment and you're blood starts to boil over with frustration because you KNOW it's there but you just can't seem to find it.  Then, because you feel so lost, you start talking to friends about it and someone asks if they can help you.  Isn't it just about the most liberating and hilarious feeling in the world when they are able to walk into your now overturned how and find that one thing you've been searching for with seemingly no effort at all?!  

Yep.  Dead on.  That's how my conversation was with Andrea today. There I sat blabbering about how I just felt like God was wanting something more from me, like I wasn't following what He wanted.  Then, Andrea asked the question that I haven't even known to ask myself.  She said, "What do you feel like God is asking of you, Liz?"  Or something to that effect - she reads this so I don't want to misquote her :).  

It was as if someone pointed me down the right direction on a forked road that I'd been wandering for years now.  I left feeling, no, knowing that this conversation was ordained by God.  He knew this would come eventually if He brought Andrea and I's paths back together.  Now, I can only hope I am able to do the same for her at some point :)!

Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you for clarity, for humility and for the option to be myself around those that love you.

Amen.

Beautiful Weekend

From wedding to inspiration....

My sister and Tyler's wedding was simply flawless and the weekend couldn't have gone any better!  In fact, I stood at the HUGE window that peered out over the city on Saturday morning before I hopped in the shower and thanked God for allowing their day and the weekend surrounding it to be so magnificent.  As you can see, they make a radiant couple but we all knew that before the wedding!  

I wrote recently about the fact that I was ready to respect my body and stop treating this temporary temple like crap.  Well, people, I have to tell you, this weekend served as wonderful motivation to continue down that path!  Today, Claudia and I started the "insanity" work-out series and let me just say....even the fitness test kicked my butt!  In all honesty though, I am ready for a little but kicking, in fact, I think it's just about time I got my butt kicked into shape again!  I was telling my friend Paul last night that it's strange because although I am still tempted by fattening foods (in this country, who can avoid that?), I am not as excited about them anymore because a) I know what my poor body will feel like after I eat them and b) I know what they will do for my health.  

So...I have cut out all fast food as well as soda.  I haven't had either in a few days and I must say, it's pretty refreshing how my body feels!  I have been reminding myself though, that I cannot do this on my own - I need to rely on God.  I know that there will be days (possibly this very week) where I feel tired and the last thing I want to do is work out or care the least bit what I consume.  I've got one word for you people...PRAYER.  I believe that my God is big enough and powerful enough to help me take this new lifestyle one day at a time.  I'm not on a diet, I'm changing the way I've been living for the last 6 years and it's not going to be easy!  The good thing is, I know I can do it because I lived healthfully for years before I got stressed and let that take over.  I am so blessed too because God provided me with friends to work out alongside and believe me, that helps BIG TIME as well!!

Here's to a new start and getting through the first day of Insanity!  

This is the Day that the Lord has made

I will rejoice...

Although my body is tired, I have so much to be thankful for today and I want to make sure to recognize how blessed I am!  I have begun to truly, whole-heartedly believe in the power of positive thinking.  I have realized that laughter and thankfulness are two incredibly important things to making this tiny little blip of time we are on earth worthwhile.  

Here's my list of happy points today:

1) my new bed - thanks to Aunt Nancy and Uncle Harry, I now have an awesome bed that's not 20 years old :).  Seeing my parents as they delivered my new bed!

2) the freaking awesome breeze and sunshine coming through the window today.  (as you can see, my plant is a huge fan as well :).

3) realizing that most of our students have never seen the "Right Now" video from Van Halen and getting to see it with them during flashback weekend :).

4) watching the "That 70's Show" all the while laughing my butt off with Holly AND the realization that at that moment, I was doing my job.

5) talking about the idiocy of materialism with Claudia.  

My life is good, good, good.  One of my friends, cake eater said to me on the phone the other day, "Yeah, I am good.  Nothing to complain about so yeah, I'm good."  Refreshing.  Breathtaking.  Powerful.  

This is the day that the Lord hath made.

I will rejoice and be glad in it.  

From Debbie Cakes to God

Did that really just happen?

First things first, it's time for a confession so hold on to your seats, people!  In all seriousness, I must confess that for the last couple of years, I have been treating my body really badly. I am usually not drawn to foods that are bad for me but if I'm in a hurry, they are most definitely the first thing I reach for!  I guess, in some ways, I could be described as impatient - HA!  I feel like I can hear the roars of laughter from family and friends about the fact that I said "some ways" in that last statement!  Okay, okay, I am a very impatient person.  I am working on it but one mountain at a time, geez!  In addition to some poor dietary choices, I tend to have awesome intentions for working out five times a week which usually dwindles to one or two when it's all said and done.  Although I have proudly kicked the smoking habit, when there's stress, I sometimes choose weakness and give in.  

After work last night, as I was attempting to tire myself out so that when I went to bed I could fall fast asleep, I was watching some show on Discovery Health called "Trauma, Life in the ER."  I love how I wrote that like it's some new show; I am sure everyone but me has seen it countless times.  

As I sat here and watched the stories of these individuals, one story struck me really deeply.  A husband was body surfing and somehow something happened and he was brought to the hospital paralyzed from the neck down.  It was so difficult to watch the doctors tell he and his family that this would most likely be permanent (I of course was my normal emotional self and sat here tearing up).  At that point, I stopped and prayed for he and his family; I know, I know, this episode was probably years and years old but I just felt compelled to pray for them.  

God worked and worked on my heart from that point on until I fell asleep about the choices I make everyday that treat my body disrespectfully.  Here I am, with every chance to live healthfully and I choose not to just because I'm in a hurry or stressed out or feeling overwhelmed.  That's just crazy talk, people and I am making the commitment today to stop it!  Why on earth I would find myself leaning on something like a debbie cake when I have a God that can handle all things is beyond me!!  Seeing as how that plan just seems idiotic, today I will trust that if my God can part the sea, I think He help me part from bad eating habits!  

My commitments:

1) I will not choose badly because "I am having a bad day and just can't be bothered with choosing well."

2) I will plan ahead for meals because I get caught when I don't.  

3) I will remember that God has given this body to me as a gift and I need to do a much better job of taking care of it!

4) I will pray through my times of weakness with poor choices both with eating and other detrimental habits I've formed over the years.

5) I will begin to work out because I want to maintain or improve this temple, not because I want to look like Sandra Bullock.  What?!  It could happen Ha Ha.  

Please pray for me because I am guessing, come tomorrow, I'll want a debbie cake :).  

Squashed

Today has been a doozy...

God blessed me today by squashing a long-standing temptation of mine!  Although I am still a bit overwhelmed and reeling, I will not let this get me down!  I am going to stand firm in my God and His glory.  Sometimes I hate being a human because even when we know something or someone is bad news, we still run willingly into the arms of that vice time and time again!  Why are we so freaking crazy?!  Shame on us!  

At this hour, my brain is pretty mushy and I don't know what I am thinking but I do know this...what He has in store for me is simply going knock me off my feet!  I know that someday in the future, I'll be laughing at the fact that this loss was able to bring even the smallest tear to my eye!!

Today, I declare God's goodness...

One foot in front of the other...

As my good little friend, Lynley would say, "Thank the Lord!"

Whew!  This weekend has been such a sweet reward (and frankly, retreat) from the week I had!  I am so freaking thankful that I am sitting here now, even at this late hour, feeling mountains over valleys better than I was earlier this week!  As usual, God allowed me to feel some pretty strong emotions but not surprisingly, He's been there with me the whole time, even when I wasn't speaking to him in the kindest ways possible.  The lesson I've learned?  At least I was still speaking to Him!  People, let me tell you one thing, faith can be a doozy sometimes!  But what a sweet realization it is to know that my faith is growing :).

This weekend has been so much fun!  I've gotten to spend time with some of my closest friends. It was nice this weekend too because even though I didn't head north to see my parents, I had the knowledge that soon I'll be spending the whole weekend with my family for Violet and Tyler's wedding on the 18th - I cannot believe it's almost here!  I love the photo of them on this post because it was not posed and yet, so freaking perfect!  I am so stoked that they found each other, but I'm guessing not as stoked as they are :)!!  

A list of lessons I've learned this week:

1. I have to continue to put one foot in front of the other in faith even when my life isn't going exactly how I would have planned it! My plans really don't amount to a hill of beans - God's plans are what's important and I tend to be one impatient little bugger.  

2. God has placed individuals in my life starting with my parents and sister, that are there to inspire me and remind me what life is all about!  Having women of faith in my life has been a gift and I honestly feel humbled by their presence.

3. Although I'm far from perfect and sometimes am down right self-sabotaging, when God looks at me, He doesn't see all the crap I see, He sees a flawless, beautiful child that He loves beyond what I can ever fathom.  

4. I am stinking lucky lady and geez Lois (yes, I know that's spelled wrong!  That's for you, Claudia), I need to remember that when I start to get caught up in the details!

A prayer request of sorts:  Please pray for me as Pastor Mike will be submitting my pastoral recommendation form this week to Baptist Bible Graduate School, which will make my application complete.  I want God's Will to be done so if it's in His plan for me to attend, I'll be stoked, if not, I'll regroup and hit you up for prayers sometime soon for another avenue of education :).  In all seriousness, I feel God leading me in this way and would appreciate prayer for a smooth acceptance process!

God IS good.  

The Maker

And I could not see for the fog in my eyes
I could not feel for the fear in my life

From across the great divide
In the distance I saw the light
Of John Baptist walking to me with the Maker
My body is bent and broken by long and dangerous sleep
I can't work the fields of Abraham and turn my head away
I'm not a stranger in the hands of the Maker

DMB: The Maker