Impetus for change...

Impetus: A moving force; Impulse; Stimulous.

There have been many changes in my life recently:

Move 1,000 miles away from what you know as home: check.

Start a new job: check.

Live alone in an apartment: check.

Short of getting a divorce, I have managed to hit many of the life events that are on the "biggest stressors" list. I am happy to report that a divorce is not an option as I am fairly certain that stress would be the tipping point. With the support of family and friends (both in Florida and away from Florida), I am proud of the place that I am now. I am proud that I haven't yet allowed any of the stress I've experienced dissolve me into a puddle of messiness that would be inconvenient for myself and others to have to clean up.

I sat in my studio tonight and thought about who I am and who I want to become. I thought about the interesting nature of life and of a conversation I recently had with a kindred. A conversation that resulted in her filling me in that most of the time, we are already where we want to be, we just don't realize it.

I would be a story-teller upon story-teller if I said for one minute that my turning thirty just around the corner hasn't affected my thinking in general, especially as it relates to change. Thirty is not a "scary" age for me or an age that I am dreading. I am fully expecting to wake up thirty feeling exactly as I do now at twenty-nine.

There in lies the problem...

For the most part, I am sublimely happy with who I am. I've had experiences throughout the last four months that have reminded me that I am an intrisically kind, giving person and although others may take advantage and shit all over that part of me, that part still exists. There has always been though, a knowledge and awareness that I am not living exactly how I want to live. There is a part of me that, with every fiber that exists, is certain that I could change various parts about the way I live my life that A) would improve my life and B) would allow me to feel more at peace with the world around me.

And so...

I have decided what better impetus for change than a birthday? What better milestone or urging can you have in life than a day where you celebrate your life itself and the individuals that have made it worth it...that have made it meaningful...that have made it memorable?

More to come because if I've learned anything in my almost thirty years, it's that blogging at 11:31pm about big fat changes you're going to make is quite possibly the worst way in which to plan lasting changes.

"If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid."