Patience is a virtue...
That's pretty much how I'm feeling today although it's not swimmers ear that is causing an issue. My issue is the plight of the square peg in the round hole. You know, I've heard that phrase countless times throughout my life yet I've never felt the phrase or identified with it like I find myself doing these days.
The other day, I was talking to good friend of mine here in Florida and we started talking about how different we were but how much both of us enjoyed our friendship, regardless. I meant it. This person has become someone that I truly enjoy being around and I find myself deeply grateful for the friendship we've shared. When we started chatting about this, however, I couldn't help but think about how I feel that "difference" between myself and everyone I am surrounded by here in Florida. I think that's probably why I've learned so much this year...because I am consistently surrounded by lovely people who are incredibly different from me. Who were raised differently. Who hold different values dear to their hearts. Who think differently. Feel differently. Eat differently. Relax differently. Recharge differently.
While the differences are beautiful and have been a blessing, there are days where I feel exhausted by them. I made a commitment to myself that I would be open to new experiences when I moved to Florida and with the exception of a few regrets, I have done just that.
A few months ago, someone I hold in rather low regard told me that I was "anti-social." Initially, I was upset by the comment later, chalking it up to just another lie to fall from lips incapable of being truthful. However, when I think about it, I realize that I may come off that way sometimes here. In groups of people, I find myself just kind of sitting back and taking it all in, rarely contributing to the conversation. When I do feel as though I have something pertinent to say, I am usually stepped on by the verbal pitter patter of others and my words are lost so I just continue to observe. I don't resent it but it is difficult to swallow sometimes because it's not how it's always been.
I started laughing the other day when I thought of that movie, "The Nanny Diaries" (yes I've seen it, laugh all you want) where Scarlet Johansson considers herself an anthropologist as she begins to nanny for a wealthy family because the lifestyle varies so much from what she is familiar with. I relate to that is so many ways. Like I am an observer, here to experience a new lifestyle and write about it. I have to wonder if I've taught anyone anything down here. I keep my mouth shut so often that it's hard to think I've influenced anyone, positively or negatively.
There are so many positives to stretching yourself in this way. The only negative aspect I have noticed is that sometimes, I am tempted to turn into a selfish child with my hands on my hips and my heels embedded in the sand screaming, "I want to do what I want to do for once!!" It's an ugly quality but it bubbles up from time to time, which is when I spend the day by myself doing things that are familiar and comfortable. Shattering one's comfort zone is good but there are moments where cocooning is necessary.
I have found a lot of comfort in the notion of patience and waiting on God's timing for things to feel more comfortable here for me. I do believe that I was led to Florida for a reason and I am attempting to remain patient and quiet until I begin to understand exactly why. I am so blessed!
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
Galatians 5:22-23
Well Liz, first of all - hi! It's been a while and I hope, aside from what has been revealed in this post, that you're doing quite well.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that you mention here really struck a cord with me:
"However, when I think about it, I realize that I may come off that way sometimes here. In groups of people, I find myself just kind of sitting back and taking it all in, rarely contributing to the conversation. When I do feel as though I have something pertinent to say, I am usually stepped on by the verbal pitter patter of others and my words are lost so I just continue to observe."
This strikes me so much to my core because I have felt this way most of my life!
What I have learned is to try and maintain the integrity of my words. Even to this day, when I find myself simply talking because I feel obligated to do so, I'm usually talking about something unfruitful or I just ramble on to keep up the self-imposed obligation.
But this much I know: you're words are valuable and precious and someone will come along and appreciate the words you speak. I know it can be hurtful when others' trample what you say with their "pitter-patter" or simply cast them aside as if they are of no worth, however, someone will see your words in their beauty and appreciate you for them.
In the mean time - hang in there!