I've been a cry baby lately, I'll admit it! I have been brought to tears by a few things lately and I am not exactly sure what the heck is going on with my tear ducts but I'm fairly certain there's a problem, people. I suppose I should clarify that I've been brought to happy tears frequently so that my mom, who reads this occasionally, doesn't hop in her car and head down to Muncie in a cloud of panic that her daughter has gone crazy!
I consider myself to be a fairly stable individual (don't judge, I use the word "fairly" because I'm a woman and I understand that there are days where I could be deemed certifiable without hesitation). I can usually reel my emotions in, tell myself to shut it and move on when needed but lately, I've been a blubbering mess! The other night while I watched Extreme Makeover, Home Edition (again, don't judge), I caught myself doing the "ugly" cry instead of the collected sniffle. I had to laugh out loud, which then turned by "ugly" cry into a "crazy" cry. You know the laugh and cry at the same time that makes a person look even more on the brink of psychosis than the "ugly" cry alone?!
Then, at church on Sunday morning, as the congregation prayed over my little friend's health, I had trouble keeping it together again! I sat there thinking, "this is only your second time at this church Liz, reel it in, crazy lady!" Then, last night, as I prayed with a friend of mine, I freaking started crying again!
All I have to say about this is, God answers prayers. A few days ago, I prayed that God would help me to feel more connected to Him. As Christians, I think sometimes, we get into a routine of reading the Word and praying and forgetting the power of both. It's not that our prayers become less heartfelt or important or that we do not glean as much from reading; these activities simply become more common place. All I can figure out about the water works is that God is doing exactly what I asked for! I'm feeling connected alright, even if I'm also feeling like the sole sponsor of the Kleenex Company as well!
Honestly, I think my tears have been plentiful because my heart feels so full these days. It's hard to explain what it feels like to have a certainty about my future. Obviously, I have no certainty at all regarding where I will be or in what exact way God will use me in Urban Ministry but I know He's going to use me and my faith will be enough to guide the way. In addition to that future defining clarification, I have been able to step back and realize how blessed I am in family and friendship, too. As a single person, sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the fact that I am "alone". God has been really awesome lately and helping me remember and be thankful for the fact that I am anything but alone in this world. Not only do I have His love and support, He's always giving me freaking sweet people to live on this earth with, however short this time may be!
The blessing of being able to go to grad school is something that I just can't leave out of the long list of reasons why my heart is full lately! I never thought I would be able to go to grad school. Plain and Simple. I never thought I was smart enough to get in and my fears about applying kept me from even trying for the last five years. I have to give God glory because this is all HIM! Sure, I filled out the application and spend a large portion of my time bombarding the staff of BBGS with countless clarifying emails but He gave me the direction and courage to apply in the first place. And only He knows how much I will be leaning on Him through this whole process!!
So, if you see me in the next few weeks and wonder why I have cotton fuzz on my face or why my eyes are puffy, don't worry. It's just allergies...
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