Transparency

Being open in a closed world...

My heart is heavy tonight as I write this but not at all in a negative way.  I've been thinking about writing this off and on all day but went back and forth on how open I wanted to be.  I believe that as members of the body of Christ, we are called to be transparent with one another and with the world around us.  I believe this is such an important aspect of our bringing glory to God.  If we are never honest about our struggles, we will never have the awesome opportunity to tell others about how awesome God is and what He has done in our lives!  

Thursday began an extended weekend here at the Academy and little did I know, it was also the beginning of a HUGE weekend in my relationship with God.  Recently, I was accepted to graduate school, which I was really excited about.  What I originally planned on wasn't exactly the case and I distinctly remember closing my computer on Friday and thinking, "Okay, this is not an option anymore."  

I had spent the entire week prior praying for direction in my choice of classes in my first semester and specifically prayed for "God to close this door so obviously that I would not miss Him on this" if it was not meant to be.  There was a time in my life where I would have pressed along in my pursuit of graduate school, even with this blaring red flag of financial risk starring me down.  Thank the Lord, that time in my life has passed. 

I went home to Fort Wayne and had a blast with my family!!  I prayed about it throughout the weekend and then finally opened up to my mom about the surprising news I received via email from the financial aide department on Friday.  The conversation was awesome, as usual, and helped me begin to embrace some really important truths about myself and my future.

First and foremost, I want to follow God's plan for my life.  I have spent a lot of time here on earth following my own selfish desires and quite honestly, this painful pursuit earned me no rewards. I feel that God is leading me to live in an Urban area and learn from and share God's love with the people around me.  

Secondly, I believe that God is calling me to be quiet and patient in this season of life and that is exactly what I plan to do.  No longer do I desire to build castles out of sand, entertaining one idea after another about what I will do in the future with Urban Ministry.  I trust that my God is big enough to provide me with the avenue to minister in this way, even if right now I feel like I'm buried under a mountain of uncertainty regarding my future.   I will prayerfully wait in faith, knowing that my God has a plan for me and certainty will be given to me when His time allows.

Lastly, I want to embrace my God-given passion for being a wife and mother and stop beating myself up that I want to fulfill this role so deeply.  Regardless of the society I live in and the expectations for me to feel differently, I want to be a wife and mother and I believe God has blessed me with this calling.  I don't want to attempt to fill the space in my heart that this yearning has with material goods or scatterbrained pursuits that ultimately dead end.  Rather, I just want to pray that God will prepare my heart and bless me with a man to grow with through our love of Christ and of course to have fun with!  

In our society, it can be very easy to feel boring if you're not accomplishing huge things professionally or personally.  I think God's will for me right now is to sit back, trust Him and stop trying to dictate and control everything.  

For the time being, it's casual Friday everyday in Liz's world.