Thursday, March 3, 2011

I am okay

Sometimes it's good to realize the relativity of life..

I am comprised, as eveyone is of moving parts and waving emotions. Sometimes up, sometimes down and sometimes not knowing which way is up or down. Life has been kind to me, in the grand scheme of things. God has watched over my steps, both those I've taken with His guidance as well as those I've taken with an "I got this, let me handle it" way about me. When I look at my life and take stock of what it has been comprised of, I smile. Some of the negative experiences are too close to the surface to laugh at quite yet but all the experiences make me smile because I know they are being used in my grand life plan. I may never pull from these experiences and directly apply them in the future but....they exist within me now and I am undoubtably shaped by them.

I have spent the greater part of my life over analyzing the goings on of events, attempting to learn what was intended. I doubt this habit will change much in the future although that would be a nice change of events! There are still various moments that I can't quite fit into the "this was for this" category but alas, I may never know. It is a blessing from God that I have allowed the beauty to over shadow the ugly. I am blessed to have the beauty, after all.

I have learned that what people show you through their actions is all you can believe them to be. While a whimsical notion exists in the desire to view individuals in terms of potential is tempting, I have learned that what a person identifies with is often times very different from how they treat the world around them. I am excited for the healing that lies around the corner and for the day where laughter will replace the disppointment I have been feeling in people lately.

In all ways, God is good to me and even when the disppointment flutters, He allows the laughter to bellow as well. So blessed, this little lady is, so blessed!!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Rescued, once again

Realizing the influence...

I always love putting photos on my blog because I love looking at others' photos and assume everyone else does as well. Today, I am fresh out of photos because you can't pictorially document what is unseen in life. I found myself wondering this weekend if God ever gets tired of watching me walk directly into the lions den all the while reassuring him that I have everything under control. I am confident that the God I serve loves me unconditionally in the all encompassing way that is simply indescribable but there are days when I wonder if He looks down at me with a perplexed, almost at wits end expression on His face. I am so very grateful that I know Him to be a loving being that looks at my faults and still sees beauty.

He has saved me, once again from my own demise and for that, I wish there were a gift large enough to say thank you! I wish I had gift bags glitsy enough and bows big enough to wrap a thank you gift for Him. I find myself feeling all too lucky and humbled that the gift He truly wants is well within my reach. Loyalty and a willingness to follow His path. It's pretty amazing that even when I insist on making decisons with no guidance from Him, He waits patiently for me to look over my shoulder and say, "this way, right?" Sometimes, I find myself shocked to see His head shaking "no" because I could have sworn I was on the right pathway. Other times, I insist on resisting the temptation to ask because I already know the answer.

I have learned very poignant lessons in my walk with God, the largest perhaps being that I can be a good person and still not be following His intended will. I can be kind and giving and yet, God's plans still may differ from my plans. This is always a difficult lesson for me to learn becuase I am stupendous at rationalizing my actions. Kindness and love are beautiful traits, don't get me wrong. The beauty of God's plans though is that He has intended purposes for each of our beautiful traits and it requires a load of obedience to live those purposes out.

I spent my drive to work this morning praying that God would allow my heart and mind to be open to His plans. I prayed that He would awaken my heart to His love and grace.

"Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7