Tired of Trying...

I have been writing all day to shake this feeling...

Today has been one of those days where I am either typing on the terribly small screen of my iphone because my computer is not near or attempting, without success, to blurt words across these keys. I am not sure if I am looking for a therapeutic babble or just for an unrestful feeling to cease. Whatever the case may be, I am not a fan of this feeling. Here's to a better evening and a good, long rest for a tired mind.

As the water rushes over...

An undulating ocean awaits me...

With salt on my lips and textured, curly hair, a fleeting thought passed through my being. This fleeting thought, growing larger and hungrier as the days passed, slowly encompassed the matter the rests comfortably upon my shoulders. Sitting across from my robot, I embraced the peace that lingered in the air and uttered the words that, within days, would turn my world from one side to the other.

I stepped onto the plane with a strange assurance that the next time my toes felt the pressure of sand between them, home would be around the corner. Flipping through my music on the two hour flight, I relentlessly searched for the confirmation of this decision. As I can only do through vocalist writhing of the soul, I reached a point where turning back on my decision, even hours after departing, was simply not a possibility.

I stand, equally as shocked as everyone at the decision I have made, to uproot this tree and attempt to find fertile, thirsty ground in which to nurture these branches. Each day, the shock fades into the background as sparklers continue to burn under the brow, embracing the unknown ahead.

As usual, Walt has something to say about inspired moments like these:

"I exist as I am, that is enough,

If no other in the world be aware I sit content,

And if each and all be aware I sit content."

A change is gonna come...

"We must exit our environment and willingly immerse ourselves in foreign experiences to

acquire the smallest, most miniscule knowledge about who we are

and what we will become."

As strange as it may sound, I have gained a tremendous amount of perspective about myself along the mini journey of my current vacation in Sarasota. Over indulgent and incredibly blessed, I have spent the days here with my good friend and for that, I am thankful. Moments birthed in laughter have grown and matured into moments of silence, contemplating those who have broken the surface and discovered worlds beyond. Moments of honesty spewed forth in the unlikely locations of seaside eateries where barnacles and sand tempted the pallet not. So this list that follows, a tribute to minds opening even in the shadows of slamming doors. This list, a olive branch to the universe and future endeavors blessed by the God I choose to worship. This list a a good bye to the oppressive and indignant individuals I once allowed to poison the path.

A camping trip in Alaska (with a defense of sorts against intimidating wild life)

A cafe small, but packing serious culinary punch. Not lame, not fading, timeless.

My words. In print. On shelves. In libraries.

A music filled home that vibrates with sounds of those here and gone that rock our world.

An embraceable peace between myself, God and the universe.

Friendly goats from which wicked goat cheese will be created.

Children.

Horseback riding.

Skiing.

Sandal wearing.

A wardrobe made with my own two hands. Stylish, not frumpy. Ingenious.

Chemical free products. Not because it's cool. Because this world is not mine to abuse.

Relaxed Shoulders.

If meat, then choose well.

A blinding love.

Well founded fear as opposed to irrational.

The beginning of this list only. More to come, of this, I am certain.

Relaxing the Muscles

Having noodle shoulders is a good thing...

My name is Lizzy Bergren and I am a planner. Before I stammer out another word, please do not misunderstand me. I do think planning is a valid and necessary part of life. Over-planning is like over-watering: Suffocating. Like everything in life, balance is key. Although I do appreciate planning in the professional, swirling realm of my life, I am ready to let go of all that baggage and focus on my life beyond the paycheck.

I do believe that my life was planned before I was born by God. A God who certainly knows in more ways than my little brain will ever comprehend the reason for my walking this earth. Living at peace with God, myself and others is strangely easy when I relax my shoulders and realize what a gift my days are. Even when they're crazy because, I've chosen to live my life for the time being at a residential high school. Gifts in big boxes with big bows.

It's so funny to be in a place at 29 years old where absolutes aren't as important to me as they used to be. I guess I thought getting older would provide for more of a need for equations that equalled steadfast results. In actuality, my lines are becoming grayed and I am enjoying it. I am not boxing myself in any longer to the "if this than that" mentality. I am beautiful and imperfect all at the same time. I can enjoy a good bottle of Champagne and an Indiana campfire simultaneously. I can have an iPhone (and love it so) and not feel guilty about it. I can be a good example to young women and still have a massive Walt Whitman tattoo on my forearm.

God, you are amazing. Thank you.