Getting too comfortable

These days, any advertising executive or marketing genius knows that the easiest way to get to my heart is to use the word "comfortable" or any version of it, really. Ever since I moved to Florida, I have been subconsciously searching for comfort around every corner. Although I knew it in the back of my mind, I've been searching in all of the wrong places.

I have been enormously blessed my entire life by a family and friends that love me and care for me in ways that I am undeserving of. Living in Indiana my entire life, until the age of 29, provided me with an sense of comfort that I was largely unaware of and quite frankly took for granted. I was never aware of how blessed I was to be surrounded by others that had similar values, morals, backgrounds and goals for the future. Although we all differed in various ways (faith, family, race, orientation), there was a common ground that I was blind to and miss dearly.

To be frank, I have felt displaced on a consistent basis since moving to Florida in 2010. I have had more difficulty adjusting to living here than I ever imagined. I have met some incredibly kind individuals and I cannot express how thankful I am to them for welcoming me. However, the commonality of faith, values, etc. has not been present with most people and that makes things tricky. Tricky because someone can be a very kind, loving person but if you share little in common with them, you are still left feeling lonely and misunderstood the majority of the time. The office I have worked in for the almost one year now is the only place in Florida I feel "understood." Even though we are all SO different, we have common values and that has been indescribably valuable to me.

When I initially moved to Florida, I misstepped and told myself that I needed to change to suite my surroundings. In the last two weeks, I have started, with God's love and support, to undo all of the damage that changing myself to fit my surroundings has done. Last evening, God blessed me with the last of many church visits and I can confidently say that God led me to my new "church home." I almost started crying when I entered the sanctuary and after I heard the biblically sound teachings, I knew that pew, at that time, on that day was where God had called me.

I am not sure where God would like to take me. I have not a clue if I will remain in Florida to serve Him or move home to Indiana to serve Him or if He will send me to Timbuktu in His name. At this point, I am simply thankful that He is forgiving. That He is loving. That He is gracious. That He sees me as His child even when I'm a goof and try on the camelion coat in an attempt to make things fit here in the sunshine state.

I know that if God chooses to have me remain in Florida it will be an interesting call and would appreciate your prayers and support!

"Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then, you will be able to test and to approve what God's Will is, His good, pleasing and perfect Will."

The human condition

Green isn't a flattering color on me....

Recently, I have adopted an unsavory habit that I'm not proud of at all. It's actually fairly difficult for me to talk about because I am aware of just how unattractive it is but I know I'm not alone.

I have started to compare. Yes, ladies and gents, I have begun the slippery descent down the hillside. Here's how it works: I read something a friend writes on facebook and think, "I should be doing that!" I read something on a blog written by a complete stranger and think, "Hey, I could do that!" I receive a phone call from a friend to tell me about news they have and I think, "Wow, why am I not doing that?" So you see, it's quite a slippery hillside I'm standing on and the pathway down is a short, speedy one. It all starts with the thin, creepy, haunting voice of self doubt and before you know it, your bum is raw from all the rocks you're hitting on the way down and your face is left caked in mud.

The tricky thing with this particular hillside is that self-improvement is a positive thing. Stretching oneself through the pain of positive change is most certainly rewarding. God asks us to be willingly molded by His Word and His Will. However, my pesky little human brain fails to remember, at times of weakness, that God does not ask me to compare myself with others. He does not say, "Dear child, I am going to place individuals in your life for your to painstakingly compare yourself to. Please twist and push and pull yourself in all directions in an attempt to measure up to them. If you fail to measure up, in your opinion, please spend hours beating yourself up."

That just didn't seem right so I did some research. What He does have to say about comparison:

"Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else." Galatians 6:4

Focusing on improving what God has already made beautiful is the fun part. That's the kind of change I can get behind. Thank you, Jesus for the Word. It's pretty amazing in times where I get to sliding, uncontrollably down a muddy hillside.