Humbled

"I stand before you, Lord

Humbled by the love You give away.

A widow's mite, my will and pride,

It's all I have to offer anyway."

I find myself in a perpetual state of humility this week that I cannot seem to break away from. At times, I've felt like every corner I round brings with it another unexpected gift. I know that I am a good person and that I attempt to do my best each day but I am humbled by the blessings falling down all around me because I know, deep down that I am not exactly worthy of God's love. So...I am humbled and thankful that He's so gracious!

I've had big and small gifts this week and to be honest, I am as thankful for the seemingly minute gifts as I am for the larger than life ones. I have been truly blessed by a new position that has fed me professionally and personally through various avenues but the happiness from this one "little" change seems to be flowing throughout my life these days!

I feel driven for the first time in months. My to-do list that normally simply continues to grow is being added to and diminished simultaneously. I feel direction and guidance from God in a way that I have felt few times throughout my life. There are certain aspects of the direction that are interesting and somewhat confusing for me like the way I feel distant from those things which had come to be familiar. I remain confident though that this distance is guided and necessary.

I spent the weekend realizing that my "worry" list was dwindling. Yes..that's right...I have a worry list. You know, a list of items that I continuously worry about whenever I have a free moment. This week has made it clear as a bell just how distant I had become from those things which center me. Being me. Being happy. Being settled. Feeling safe. These things have made me realize how uprooted and unprotected I have felt for the past few months. Thank God for His love or I could have lived under that enormous pressure indefinitely.

Florida and my life here feels different now in such a penetrating, steadfast way...and it's about time!!

Hit me.

"You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to stay."

Warning: This entry may be similar to watching a hummingbird flutter from flower to flower. If you are prone to motion sickness, you may want to forgo reading any further!

First things first, I am freaking blessed! No bones about it, people, this little lady does not deserve the shower of good things that come her way. Although the past few weeks have been a whirlwind, leaving me with a slight case of whiplash...I could not be more grateful or humbled by the love that God has shown me. My being less than perfect provides ample opportunity for me to wonder why God continues to click clack the pieces into place but alas, I am grateful for the puzzle pieces that fit.

A month ago, I planned to return to Indiana at the close of the school year. I felt like Florida was a beautiful place but just not the place for me. It wasn't what I thought it would be and I was pretty confident it would never be. So....I planned, planned, planned my little heart out and started making arrangements to return to the state that nurtured my first thirty years and the people that made those years worth writing about.

Screech! The brakes went on, the dust flew and I was left standing at a crossroads with a big neon sign flashing over head "Decision...Decision...Decision." I received a call from a position I had applied for prior to making the decision to return home. Great. Just great. Here I was thinking that everything was packaged nicely with a bow on top and now you call me for an interview. Leaping out in faith, I scheduled the interview and told myself that I was just investigating all avenues before moving to Indiana. In the depths of my stomach, I had this urgent feeling that this call was God's way of telling me that maybe Florida held more than I had imagined. First the phone interview and then the campus interview. I drove home truly professionally inspired and knew that I would have a handful of a conundrum if the position was offered. A few nerve racking days later, I was offered the position.

As if that's not enough...I just spent the last week enjoying my parent's company in the Sunshine State. Every time I have visitors here in Florida, I am initially reminded of how blessed I am to have the family and friends I do. An appreciation for Florida always sinks in shortly after seeing the beauty that exists here through the eyes of others. I had great talks with my parents, laughed with them, ate tons of yummy food with them and enjoyed the freedom of hugging them whenever I wanted to!! Over and over again during their visit I told them how lucky I felt to be blessed with parents like them all the while understanding that I could never truly verbalize how much I love each of them.

And so, Florida, once again you have surprised me and allowed me to discover the beauty that you hold. I start my new position on Monday knowing that life is funny and ever-changing and oh so good!